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One of the most important lessons to learn about human dynamics is that first reactions don’t count, because they are the least important. There are three things going on that contribute to someone’s initial reaction to you:
- Their previously held belief system and experiences. These things have nothing to do with you. (Maybe their last girlfriend had the same haircut, or you remind them of a teacher they hated in college … it could be anything.)
- Their current mood—are they having a good day or a bad day? A bad day might make someone predisposed to shutting you out.
So you are only one of three elements that influence someone’s response. Since there is no way to know or measure what that implies, it is best to not pay too much attention to it. What does matter is your reaction to theirs.
Let’s say you’re six feet three inches tall and used to feeling awkward about being taller than most men. The next time someone says, “My god, you’re tall!” instead of feeling self-conscious and apologetic, you can decide to appear comfortable and confident, and totally own it by saying, “I know, it’s great. I can see everything from up here.” Seeing that you are unaffected by the comment, the guy now perceives what may have been a negative attribute as a positive one.
When we own even our imperfections, our insecurities lose their power over us.
~ Matthew Hussey
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