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Depression. The big D. Not a word l say out loud a lot. If ignored that period of my life and didn’t breathe life into it with words, then maybe it would just go away; dissipate into dust that would float off into the ether.
But pretending a certain part of your story didn’t occur will only make it worse when something else in life reminds you unexpectedly of that time. You suddenly have to deal with all the emotional backlash without any warning or preparation.
Making peace with your own backstory, and accepting that not all of it is good, is vital. Then, you are dragged back into a memory or feeling from the past, your reaction will come from a calm place where you know you can cope.
I’m not quite there yet, and that’s okay. |’m in no rush as l am confident that i’m headed in the right direction no matter what speed l travel at. Maybe that’s also one reason l’m writing this book. lt’s certainly one of the reasons l’ve decided to be honest about this part of my life.
Writing down the truth may breathe life into the subject, which is terrifying, but it also allows me to understand it a lot more and not keep it all locked away like some gruesome, eager monster. Being honest isn’t always easy , as you are instantly opening yourself up to judgement.
It requires a certain amount of guts and, sometimes in life, that feels like a big effort; another reason why, until now, l haven’t talked about any of this. l haven’t had the energy to witness and process the array of possible reactions.
But being honest also allows me to share my story, which l hope will help some of you reading this and stop the subject of depression being such a taboo. Maybe you have experienced a similar situation in your life. Maybe you will simply enjoy jotting down your own notes and ideas on these pages.
Maybe my words will help you retrieve your own, and in turn help you find the courage to share your own experience with others. That would Feel like a really special transaction.
~ Fearne Cotton
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