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One time I was doing some coaching in central London, on Carnaby Street. Things were progressing well, or so I thought. Part of my method is to talk through a technique with a client, then encourage them to field test it by going out in the world and seeing for themselves how it works.
One young woman had ventured out and struck up a conversation with a good-looking young guy, and from where I watched at my table outside a coffee shop, I could see them across the street having what appeared to be a great conversation.
They were laughing over something she’d said, and I assumed they were having loads of fun. This was a date in the making for sure. She returned to where I was sitting, beaming.
“How did it go?” I asked.
“Great, he was really cool and interesting.”
“Terrific,” I said. “Did you get his number?”
“Oh no, I didn’t really fancy him in that way, but he was great to talk to because he works in fashion, which is something I just love.”
Where had I gone wrong? This was crazy! This guy was good-looking, cool, and seemed like he had a fascinating, glamorous life. She decided not to get his number because he wasn’t her type.
Can you see why this is a problem? Whether she was attracted to him or not, how many other guys in central London might this guy know who are also cool, fashionable, and fun to be around? Who couldn’t do with this kind of person in her contacts? Even if that particular guy wasn’t my client’s cup of tea, there’s a chance that within his network there was a guy for her.
As soon as she closed off the opportunity to be in touch with that guy again, she lost not just him, but one, two, or maybe ten or more potential guys she could have been introduced to through this single gateway guy.
I’m not suggesting you lead a guy on when you’re not interested. The object is to make a casual connection. My client could have easily said, “None of my friends have a clue about what’s fashionable, you’d be performing a public service by letting me put you in my contacts.”
The more playful and relaxed you make it, the less seriously he’ll take it when you ask for the number. And with a gateway guy there’s nothing to lose and everything to gain: you’ll get to exercise your social muscles with a good-looking man, add to your social circle, and perhaps develop a friendship with the best friend of Mr. Right.
~ Matthew Hussey
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