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Independence and self-determination are important traits of the high-value woman. She has a life that she adores and is engaged in meaningful activities that make her passionate about each day. She may have a job she loves, but she also fills her leisure time with activities that appeal to her creatively and emotionally.
She surrounds herself with people who reinforce her values and her confidence. She doesn’t rely on a man to be entertained. Her life is her own. This advice applies to your life with or without a man. It all connects back to the issue of being choosy. If your life is brimming, you won’t be looking for a man to fill a void.
In that way you can be more selective about the man you decide gets to spend time with you. A fuller life will help you choose your man wisely. So what is a guy thinking when he meets an independent woman? He wants in. He wants to be part of her fabulous lifebut at the same time he isn’t afraid that she will become too needy.
One of the most common male fears about relationships is the fear of being smothered. A man worries that once he’s in a relationship he’s going to lose his own life. You can approach this male instinct by appealing to his ego: you welcome him to be part of your life.
At the same time, you don’t push to be part of every single thing he does. lf there is part of how you fill your day that he’d rather abstain from-maybe he doesn’t want to do yoga, rock climb, go shopping, or hang with your platonic male friends-then you can happily continue those activities without him. Your message to him: I am a complete person without you, but I desire to have you be a part of my life because you are worthy of it.
The tricky thing to balance here is to maintain your independence but also help him feel that he brings something to the table and if you have found the right guy, that shouldn’t be too difficult. (lf you can’t answer the question about what he brings to your wonderful life in less than a minute-get out!) While you don’t have to spend all your time stroking his ego, acknowledgment and appreciation of his interests go a long way.
~ Matthew Hussey
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